I’d be hired for everything if Hans the Hotdog, or Zeus the Cat spoke on my behalf.
Hans: I’ve known Susannah now for most of my life which is going on 8 months, and like me, she has poise and pedigree, if you consider Prada proper lineage. We met in the Park when I misplaced my ball, and yes, I still have mine, thank you very much, climbing over the fence to get it, giving it back proving she is very noble and trust worthy.
Zeus: Susannah is one of my closest friends for 5 years now. She’s warm and considerate whenever she takes care of me, leaving me with a clean box knowing as a Virgo, it means the world.
Of course Carmela the Basset Hound, would sing my praises like nobody’s business.
Carmela: Susannah took care of me for 2 years without pay because I really needed a friend. I never laughed so much especially when she’d whisper in my rather big ears things like…fat Pug up ahead, or cookie at 12 o’clock. She’s also very democratic, taking me everywhere, including to get our nails done. She’s the one who taught me to be a lady instead of just puttin’ on the dog. We mustn’t forget her sense of humor. For Halloween, we went trick or treatin’ as Bill and Hilary. I have to say, I looked pretty good with a blonde bouffant.
Yeah, animals have better instincts than a lot of people who miss a lot when it comes to character.
Zeus: Once my heat went off so she came over with a cashmere sweater she wrapped me in like I was Orson Welles (alright, I do need to lose a few pounds), and stayed all night. She even brought liver pate’, my favorite, and read me Cat In The Hat. When I rubbed up against her, she said, she was sorry, but I was a little too young for her. She’s a pearl of a girl alright, with morals.
Hans: Not once when my German came out, like when I punched Darla the Poodle, who I can’t stand, did she get mad. She said, Darla, that little bitch, had it comin’, before hiding me in her bathroom for the rest of the day.
They don’t make Susannahs anymore.
You’d be a fool not to hire her.
Carmela, Hans, and Zeus