There’s a Mouse in the House

I can’t kill anything.

Somewhere in me lives a Quaker who feels even ants have their constitutional rights.

Yesterday it started with a waterbug I was attempting to relocate. I flush them, figuring, they must be Olympic swimmers given their name, but this guy wouldn’t let me coax him into a Kleenex moving  faster than a meth addict, resulting in squashing him by accident. It bothered me all day knowing, my karma that’s already down a quart, is now below sea level.

After interring him in coffee grounds, taking him to the basement for burial, upon my return, I see something skirt from the kitchen into the living room at the speed of light.

When I regained consciousness, I screamed into the intercom, my assistant super arriving like the cavalry, hammer in hand to beat whoever was killing me.

He tried convincing me it was probably not a mouse, but just another waterbug, and I should just sit and calm myself.

OH YEAH? CALM THIS BUSTER!

Since when does a waterbug have legs like Tina Turner, that’s what I want to know, cause this thing traveled like a souped-up Land Rover.

I shouldn’t be all that shocked considering the entire city is being jackhammered, and even Bobby Kennedy when he was our senator said, there are more rats than citizens in New York, and that was in 1964.

But back to the matter at hand.

After setting up roach motels behind the stove and fridge that made it look like Vegas, we had to discuss glue traps that we all know, are not too humane. It was my call, Sean said, to glue or not to glue.

I told him I’d get back to him on this.

I then called Ed who said, what’s the alternative, you make room in your closet and put his name on the mailbox?

The trouble with cellphones, they don’t slam like landlines.

All day I was troubled, knowing he was in my house somewhere maybe doing push-ups behind the couch, and how am I going to sleep with him prowling for snacks. And what if he really likes the place, and decides to move in his relatives.

I’m leaving the lights on, just in case I walk in on him doing a line dance.

And then, it hit me. I’ll borrow Zeus the cat who’s such a pal, I can’t imagine wouldn’t come right over and tend to my needs. I know what you’re thinking, he’s a cat, if he meets up with Mickey, Mickey’s toast.

I thought about that, but then figured, nature knows best, plus who am I to interfere or argue with Zeus’s way of doing things since, as a rescue cat, he’s been to the rodeo before.

Right paw, left paw…do the Hokey Pokey.

Better get some fish for dinner and set another place.

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SB

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, creative writing, food, humor, nature, New York City and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

56 Responses to There’s a Mouse in the House

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    Cheers to Zeus to rescuing the damsel in distress.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorryless says:

    Zeus is the cleaner. And I am so with you on this, I hate killing anything at all.

    Me and my daughter used to save. Everything. We would have burials outside for ants. Fucking ants! The only thing she insists on terminating are spiders, as they scare the hell out of her. So I’m the one who has to extract and relocate them.

    As for glue traps. Never again. I SHOULD have just bought a cat!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dale says:

    I’m sorry I’m laughing, Susannah. But rest assured. Not AT you but at your fabulously entertaining writing. There is ZERO satisfaction in pressing the hang-up button on a cell phone…I miss those slamming the phone on deserving peeps.

    I admit to not being overly squeamish but not a fan of the “presents” our cat brings us. Ugh. At least they don’t get dropped INSIDE the house.

    I think you should give Zeus some kind of incentive. And hope he’s not like my mother’s cat. Friggen thing. She brought rabbits, squirrels, birds, mice. But the mice living in the house? She didn’t touch them. Maybe she figured they were part of the family…

    And right… you have your “Carlton” who seems to come rather quickly…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Eilene Lyon says:

    You don’t want to adopt the wee cuddly mousie?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We got rid of one mouse several days ago, but I’m waiting for his relatives to show up for the wake.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Also, hope that he isn’t Mighty Mouse!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. skinnyuz2b says:

    We have humane traps for the occasional mouse visitor. Pookie then relocates them into the woods about a half mile down the road. The trap is black with a trap door. Once the infiltrator is inside, you don’t have to touch him/her.
    My Siamese, Monkey, (long gone) used to bring mice inside at night through her kitty door. She would then let it loose and have fun chasing the poor thing. A few times the mouse, followed by my cat, ran across my bed … with me in it. Later I would hear the first crunch and cover my ears.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh no Susannah, I feel for you! I hope it is caught soon and you can go back to turning the lights off.
    One of the joys of being in NY City. Every now and then we see 1 or 2 running around in my office. The other day one just stared at me. I had to yell at him to go away. It was the end of the day and I was alone in the office, so I guess he thought it was safe to come out and play.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Like most New Yorkers, they are very brave. They found a hole near my front radiator, now plugged with enough steel wool to scrub the pots at Sing Sing. I’m probably now known as the nut on the 4th floor.

      Like

  9. They sure are, and they love radiators, that is where i see them coming and going from. Does steel wool stops them?
    hahaha, sorry but I had to laugh at “the nut on the 4th floor”…if they do call you that, take it as a compliment. Sane is boring!
    Blessings to you! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • My therapist just the other day, when I said, I long to be normal said with out missing a beat…forget it…How’s that for mental health.

      Yeah, steel wool is the way to go. In my old place I had it everywhere and never saw a thing. I had too much hubris here thinking just because it was a nicer apartment, I didn’t need it. HAH!!!

      Like

  10. I love your therapist! Normal is definitely is overrated. You are special and one of a kind…it beats normal any day!! And you are loved by people that you never even met!! ♥
    There are so many holes in my office that I wouldn’t know where to start.
    Mice don’t discriminate. A co-worker of mine lived in a swanky apartment on Park Avenue. One day he is putting his shoes on and feels something squishy… a mouse. That same day he got a cat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh God…this gave me a chill. In his shoes. OY…LOVE…Mice don’t discriminate. They’re Liberals not to mention cheesy. His shoes? OY again.

      Your words are always kind. My shrink, whose last name is Wax, waxed appropriately. Normal doesn’t live here. 🙂

      Like

  11. I don’t know, after reading the adventures of Maya, I don’t trust a cat to kill mice. As long as Zeus doesn’t set the mice up somewhere and bring them food. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Well, very intelligent answer to a tough problem. I dated a woman who would not kill anything. She had a mouse who lived in a paper mess in the bottom of her cabinet. One Saturday, while she was working, I cleaned out the cabinet of all paper and such. No mouse found. She was angry when I told her because she assumed I killed the mouse. “No,” I said, “I figured if I took away its house, then it would go somewhere else to live.”

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Patricia says:

    Teddy and Jack could help you but I am not sure they would be too happy about flying up there. They are great with roaches. Occasionally, a big ole waterbug roach comes in off the balcony and they have a great time. Teddy likes to bring in cicadas. That is fun for him but not for me, they are big, ugly, noisy, and they fly making them hard to catch. So far no mousies though one time I caught Teddy trying to bring a pigeon in. What a mess that would have been!

    Like

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