When Life Gets Corny

I love popcorn.

Basking in bed with a big bowl and a book, is my idea of heaven, without leaving the house.

The trouble is, the sodium, even in Skinny Pop, the single girl’s answer to keeping your dress size down, kinda spoils the party.

Of course I eat a jumbo bag I later on regret when at 2 a.m. I’m awakened by pain in my legs, gasping for water, but never say die when it comes to snacking.

I know…why don’t I just pop my own?

A little secret about me. I never read directions. Why? Who knows. Just part of my charm I guess, from years of living alone, doing everything by the seat of my pants, cooking being no exception.

I haul out one of my many unused frying pans I should just plant geraniums in, choose the smallest (DUH NUMBER 1), pour olive oil in it like I’m about to fry a steer, and throw in a whole cup of pure, organic, no sodium Vermont made corn.

If I had read the package it says..3 tablespoons of oil over low heat, and a third cup of corn in an ample pan.

Oh well.

As I wait alongside my personalized popcorn bowl wondering how long it will take, I suddenly hear that great sound of popping, almost like a rumba beat.

Now I’m impatient it being a whole 25 seconds and all since I turned up the gas as though I were cremating, so…here comes DUH NUMBER 2… without turning off, or even down the flame, remove the lid off the pan and…

WHOA…WE HAD THE ROCKETTES OF CORN, LITTLE KERNELS NOW THE SIZE OF PLUMS, POPPING ALL OVER THE KITCHEN.ย  images.jpeg

Though shocked, start to laugh, the last one being on me when the smoke alarm went off causing the assistant super to burst in like the cavalry.

“Suzonna, what are you dooing?”

“Cooking, what does it look like I’m doing?”

When he arrived, all 7 feet of him, I politely asked if he’d like a bowl to take with him, that is, after he opened all the windows, reset the alarm and gave me a lecture on fire safety.

After I swept up the kitchen that looked like the aftermath of a Yankee Game, my desire for popcorn not gone, tooled over to CVS and bought a big bag of Skinny Pop that, whaddaya know, was on sale.

Bruce, the sweet, bald, tattooed fella who waited on me said, “Do you smell smoke?”

“Smoke? I don’t smell anything.”ย ย 

๐Ÿ™‚

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in food, Home, humor, New York City, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

74 Responses to When Life Gets Corny

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, this sounds like a solo version of a Lucy and Ethel episode! I’m glad you were able to laugh it off.
    I remember having to stand at the stove shaking the pan loaded with popcorn back and forth so it wouldn’t burn. Later, a popcorn machine came out that didn’t require all the attention. Next was the Jiffy Pop miracle. You put it on the burner and watched the aluminum cover expand. We hardly ever got that because it was more expensive.
    Pookie and I had popcorn just last night.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are a hoot and a half with snacks, Sussanah! You just had to pop over and buy more, didn’t you? If I had been in your shoes, I would have taken a photo of the mess before making a sweeping statement about it. I’m glad you survived, humor intact. Thanks for the laugh.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    Thanks for the morning grins. Cheers to your love for popcorn. Oh โ€ฆ have you considered microwaving popcorn? All you need โ€ฆ. microwave oven, bag of natural/plain popcorn, lunch size paper bag. โ€ฆ Half cup of popcorn into the bag โ€ฆ. flatten the bag โ€ฆ fold at open end โ€ฆ place bag into microwave โ€ฆ. Microwaves have different powers – so first time try 1 minute 45 seconds on high.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Eilene Lyon says:

    Oh, Susannah, you make me laugh! How could this be that you havenโ€™t tried microwave popcorn. Iโ€™m glad Frank set you straight.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fun post, Susannah. I can just see that seven-footer all worried that there will be nothing left of the building and his job but smoldering embers. Oh yes, and popcorn. (A little well done, of course.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dale says:

    What a chuckle you gave me this morning, Susannah! Now I am forever going to think of you as Carrie in the gang o’ four…

    As for your popcorn addition – there are worse ones to have (as you well know)… just invest in a little air popper (no oil required) or other popcorn popper (they require only a smidgeon of oil). All you need is a plug ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  7. Sorryless says:

    I love Skinny Pop. I love movie theater popcorn with a butter bath even more, but since I try and steer clear of that stuff when I can, Skinny Pop does the trick.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I guess I am one step different. I do read all the directions (once) and then try it (usually). This can make for the same problem. However, I adjust it the next time a bit and slowly it becomes my recipe. Popcorn with very little oil and no butter was always a fav of mine. However, current stomach problems and issues with fiber mean no popcorn for Scott.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That made me laugh. I’ve missed reading your writing. I love popcorn too. Such a great snack. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • You being the chef you are: cookies, waffles, homemade granola, Iโ€™ll just bet all that inappropriate popping would never happen to you. It dawned on me it was embarrassing, well at least it should have been but hey, anything for an essay. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

      Like

  10. Snacks are what are dogs live for. Of course, popcorn is off limits. They prefer items which donโ€™t cause the smoke alarm to activate…a truly horrific sound.

    Liked by 1 person

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