Older men in Converse High Tops with toupees that, let’s face it, just don’t go together.
Face lifts. That porcelain finish that should be restricted to planters and soup tureens. Why women think stretched like a drum is attractive will remain a mystery. And lips were never meant to resemble trampolines.
Toddlers with phones. When was Babar sacked from preschool? Seeing a kid playing with their parent’s iPhone, when they could be enjoying a book, should be illegal.
Dog owners who disobey the Pooper Scooper law as if it doesn’t apply to them. Step in a pile in those Gucci loafers Kemosabe, then it sure will.
Whole Food’s raw fish department that looks camera ready until you get those shrimp and crab legs home, tasteless and spongy from being frozen since 2009. When the cat won’t even eat one, then you know, you’ve been aquatically 
fleeced.
Social Media replacing live conversations. If I see one more couple having dinner with their phones rather than each other, I may have to write my Congressman. Not that it would do any good since it’s every man for himself nowadays, our Commander-in Chief’s creed passed down.
But what happened to intimacy anyway? Has she called? I miss those cozy murmurings even if they’re just overheard.
How was your day honey? Missed ya at the office. Wow, you look beautiful tonight.
I missed you too, and baked that pie you like, so let’s go home for dessert why don’t we…wink wink.
Instead you have Twitter sitting in your lap Tweeting sweet NOTHINGS.
Life has become fast food across the board…distorted images viewed from a funhouse mirror. I can’t imagine my dad in a Kardashian T-shirt delaying my mom’s lasagna to check out his Facebook page. Of course he died of alcoholism at a young age, but still. I can almost hear him say, even from the ether, I’d love a second helping honey, but need to keep room, ya know, for that pie. 
If only. Sigh.
SB
I can never spot a toupee unless it is a totally different color from the actual hair. I just assume it’s a bad cut or color job. I was the last in our church to know that Father Bill wore a jet black toupee that had been cleaned a few time too many.
The problem with facelifts is that the first little lift usually looks great. Unfortunately it’s downhill with the lifts from there. Two of my friends that I seldom see in person changed their hair style and color when they got their first facial assists. As usual, I gushed at how wonderful they looked with the new do’s, never suspecting surgery. Pookie had to set me straight afterward. My friends look quite tight now, and I’m not ‘stretching’ the truth.
A couple of weeks ago a group of high school students was discussing cell phone usage with young kids. Their consensus was age 10-12 for a first phone. Interesting. I think we need to speak up when a dinner mate or guest ignores us in favor of their phone. I didn’t do it when my college roommate visited last time, but I will next time. She texted to other people constantly.
Susannah, I agree with all your Don’ts.
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Love when you ‘stretch the truth’. Pookie must have radar if he knew before you. The only person who looked pretty great with a little clean-up was Jackie O. That’s because that’s all she did. Nowadays, it’s tight like a drum or nothing. I know I could use a little clean-up myself, but just am too afraid for starters and prefer to go out with grace more than tucks behind my ears.
I love your comments Skinny. They’re always so funny and smart. :)A
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I think the problem is that the first lift looks good, so it’s hard to resist a second one. When that one doesn’t look too natural they try a third to fix it. And don’t get me started on those giant fish lips.
Jackie was a class act that knew when to stop.
I don’t want surgery, but I might try a really tight ponytail on top of my head … if it doesn’t give me a headache, ha ha!
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I look like the map of Delaware. If you peruse me at a distance I’m okay. Just whatever you do, don’t Zoom in. Sigh
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Dear Susannah,
I enjoy your witty and sensitive urban perspective. I just wrote a book about cities and their beauty. It’s a little technical, but you might like it. My idea is to go around the world creating a “Buras does a Bourdain for cities” and thought you might want to be part if a team like that. In any event, you are the only blogger I follow, so there.
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I loved Anthony Bourdain. I have a framed photo of him in my kitchen. Great you wrote a book. I appreciate you reading my essays. Thanks.
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Susannah is the only one I follow too!
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I don’t believe him. I think he was hawking his book. I believe you though. And I’m perpetually flattered because you’re so smart and erudite Skinny that I’m humbled by your attendance. 🙏
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Not everyone can afford, nor has been as lucky as Jane Fonda re; plastic surgery. Most end up looking like shit in no time. I worked for a guy who wore the nastiest, filthy, disgusting toupee ever. This guy managed to have a string of young ladies at his beck and call (it helped that he paid for their tuition. How they ever… no, I can’t complete this thought…)
As for the whole keeping the phones at the table – it is so sad. I watched a small family. The parents on their phone and the son kept asking questions, trying to create a dialogue (how backwards is that?)
Let us keep the communication lines open!
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Toups frighten me. They remind me of dead animals that came in for a landing on someone’s head. How can the guy think it improves things is one of those mysteries. You half expect Rod Serling to show up and say…Your next stop, The Twilight Zone.
As for the phone. Don’t get me started. It’s a technological attack as far as I’m concerned. They’re everywhere. The term, unlimited calling that would accompany an AT&T ad has taken on all new meaning. Sigh
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They are nasty. And yes, do look like dead animals. Blech. I do not know how any guy can think we don’t see it.
Yes, they are. It has become such a bane. Nothing worse than meeting for a date and the phones come out of the pockets or purses and onto the table. Oh? I’m not enough to entertain you?…
SIGH.
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I walked out on someone for that. Pretended I had a phone call at the hostess’s desk. Made skid marks.
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Buahaha! You kill me!
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And it was a first dinner date. I made skid marks. I felt as important as the salt shaker.
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Not cool. At all.
Fuck him. You deserve better and he is so not deserving of you.
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You sound like one of the Pink Ladies from Grease. I loved them. 🙂
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That would make me one of the bad-asses! I like it! 🙂
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Remember in the film, when Rizzo played by Stockard Channing sings, Look at Me I’m Sandra Dee? I love that. 🙂
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Oh yes! I loved Rizzo… All tough on he outside and soft on the inside… Kinda like me 😉
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There ya go…:)
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😉
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PS Might be a little late reading WW. Depends on the WiFi where I’m at today. 🙂
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To think I schedule it for 5 am, just for you 😉
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i did have reception where I was, but sometimes it can be iffy.
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Gotcha!!
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Social media can really be an oxymoron, since there is nothing social about cutting into personal time with family in lieu of strangers. I remember going to a restaurant on South Beach and walking in to find an entire table ON THEIR PHONES. And I had to ask the woman I was with why they bothered to even come to Miami?
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That’s a funny, but typical image for around here. I always marvel at those waiting for the crosstown bus in the early morning. There’s a long snaky line, and EVERYBODY is checking their phones. It’s amazing.
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It’s New Yawwwk! Where are they looking to go? They’re already in the middle of it all!
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That’s a very Democratic outlook. Speaking of the debates. Like mud wrestling.
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I hated how they tag teamed Bloomberg. But hey, they know he is a real threat to their fractured party.
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He really got slammed, but trust me, he can take it. Of course they don’t like him. Bernie, did you read about how he went off on that news guy? Kinda scary. Hubris with a cherry on top. He let his BVDs show. Red flag a wavin’.
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I know he can. I want to see what happens when he hits back, again and again.
Bernie is the same difference craziness we’re trying to expunge from 1600, and truth be told, I don’t give him much of a chance in a national election.
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Well who’s it gonna be then. Peggy Noonan today really railed at Mike, how bad he did, and they’re friends. She did say, if he comes back swinging, successfully, it will be one of the greatest comebacks ever. And I think he can. I am a little partial but, he’s so smart which is the big surprise not remembering how threatening is presence is. He’s a good version of what we hoped Donald Trump was going to be. Sigh
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I know the democratic candidates want him out, with the possible exception of Uncle Wiggly, who never met an argument he couldn’t turn into a national incident.
I totally agree with you on what he is and what we hoped that other guy might have become.
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Sigh. Forgive my brevity.
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If only the candidates would dabble in brevity . . . .
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How refreshing that would be. Short winded, concise and must I say it? Sincere, truthful, honest, ya know, a leader among men, and women. For the people, remember us? Bernie, or can I call you Uncle Wiggiy? He’s ahead of course but things change awfully quickly around here.
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I’m sorry . . . this is more Pollyanna than Susannah talking. Not that optimism doesn’t look really good on you, because it does. But I’m afraid Washington doesn’t believe in quaint ideals.
Bernie’s in the lead! But yeah . . he’s gonna have to sit down for a spell to catch his breath sooner or later. He’s not a vampire, after all. At least . . I don’t think he’s a vampire . . .
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They all feel like have to behave viper-esque because look who they’re up against, and there’s an awful lotta folks out there, who appear to like it. Decorum is dead, like the pay phone. I think this is why Bloomberg didn’t start off getting his cuffs dirty. But watch…you heard it here first. Pollyanna, Cub Reporter
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Confucius say, the superior man knows what is right. The inferior man knows what will sell.
As Tom Hagen might say . . . “I wonder how he’s gonna come at em”.
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I LOVED Tom Hagen. I loved the scene when he says to Sonny…he’s just as much my father as he is yours. I LOVED THAT!!!
Confucius though smart, was no Tom Hagen.
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Confucius never could have been a war time consiglieri
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No, you’re right about that.
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WHERE ARE YOU…YOU OKAY? NO HEROES…UNUSUAL
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Hey SB . . apologies for the late start with this one.
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No matter…just unusual, as I told Dale.
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Coo
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Ca-choo
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🙂
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I don’t get the toupee thing…I like bald! I would love to have a face lift but it’s not in the budget and never will be. As for phones…I never have my phone out when I am visiting with someone. I think that’s just rude. As for kids having phones I have mixed feelings. Once kids are old enough to go out and about in their own it is probably wise that they have phones. That way their whereabouts can be tracked and if they find themselves in unusual or frightening circumstances they can call someone or 911.
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I guess that’s a good point. I’m just tired of random rudeness across the board. My problem I guess.
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You have a plethora of dedicated followers who make outstanding comments…makes for happy blogging…nothing like encouragement. .
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Just a few. I don’t self-promote nor read many blogs. I just write always humbled to be read.
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So true about old guys. There is a time to just accept the absence of comb worthy hair, and then start wearing it short.
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I agree. I don’t mind a bald head since it says the guy is honest. A toupee bleats intrigue, if you ask me. Of course, no one has, but..
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Did the short, public rant feel good? Not picking, just wondering. Sometimes, those make wonderful feelings just pour out. I take issue with things as well. It’s up to people to do as they see fit, but when I pass a couple who are both on there phones at a restaurant, I, usually, stop until one or both look up and say, “As long as you are not texting each other, okay.” Makes em think or, at least, that’s my hope.
I also gift my 2 great nieces a fancy book of short stories (they are 5 and 7, I believe) for Christmas.
I have disliked the speed at which the world’s people run from each other and from privacy for a while, but find it acceptable to just sitting around all day trying to look busy. Nice post, Susannah.
Scott
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Venting in print, well, there’s nothing quite like it.
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Agreed!
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