Things That Shouldn’t Be

Unknown.jpegOlder men in Converse High Tops with toupees that, let’s face it, just don’t go together.

Face lifts. That porcelain finish that should be restricted to planters and soup tureens. Why women think stretched like a drum is attractive will remain a mystery. And lips were never meant to resemble trampolines.

Toddlers with phones. When was Babar sacked from preschool? Seeing a kid playing with their parent’s iPhone, when they could be enjoying a book, should be illegal.

Dog owners who disobey the Pooper Scooper law as if it doesn’t apply to them. Step in a pile in those Gucci loafers Kemosabe, then it sure will.

Whole Food’s raw fish department that looks camera ready until you get those shrimp and crab legs home, tasteless and spongy from being frozen since 2009. When the cat won’t even eat one, then you know, you’ve been aquatically Unknown.jpegfleeced.

Social Media replacing live conversations. If I see one more couple having dinner with their phones rather than each other, I may have to write my Congressman. Not that it would do any good since it’s every man for himself nowadays, our Commander-in Chief’s creed passed down.

But what happened to intimacy anyway? Has she called? I miss those cozy murmurings even if they’re just overheard.

How was your day honey? Missed ya at the office. Wow, you look beautiful tonight.

I missed you too, and baked that pie you like, so let’s go home for dessert why don’t we…wink wink.

Instead you have Twitter sitting in your lap Tweeting sweet NOTHINGS.

Life has become fast food across the board…distorted images viewed from a funhouse mirror. I can’t imagine my dad in a Kardashian T-shirt delaying my mom’s lasagna to check out his Facebook page. Of course he died of alcoholism at a young age, but still. I can almost hear him say, even from the ether, I’d love a second helping honey, but need to keep room, ya know, for that pie. images.jpeg

If only.  Sigh.






About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, Culture, dessert, humanity, humor, internet, New York City, Politics, Women and men, words, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

58 Responses to Things That Shouldn’t Be

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    I can never spot a toupee unless it is a totally different color from the actual hair. I just assume it’s a bad cut or color job. I was the last in our church to know that Father Bill wore a jet black toupee that had been cleaned a few time too many.
    The problem with facelifts is that the first little lift usually looks great. Unfortunately it’s downhill with the lifts from there. Two of my friends that I seldom see in person changed their hair style and color when they got their first facial assists. As usual, I gushed at how wonderful they looked with the new do’s, never suspecting surgery. Pookie had to set me straight afterward. My friends look quite tight now, and I’m not ‘stretching’ the truth.
    A couple of weeks ago a group of high school students was discussing cell phone usage with young kids. Their consensus was age 10-12 for a first phone. Interesting. I think we need to speak up when a dinner mate or guest ignores us in favor of their phone. I didn’t do it when my college roommate visited last time, but I will next time. She texted to other people constantly.
    Susannah, I agree with all your Don’ts.


    • Love when you ‘stretch the truth’. Pookie must have radar if he knew before you. The only person who looked pretty great with a little clean-up was Jackie O. That’s because that’s all she did. Nowadays, it’s tight like a drum or nothing. I know I could use a little clean-up myself, but just am too afraid for starters and prefer to go out with grace more than tucks behind my ears.

      I love your comments Skinny. They’re always so funny and smart. :)A

      Liked by 1 person

      • skinnyuz2b says:

        I think the problem is that the first lift looks good, so it’s hard to resist a second one. When that one doesn’t look too natural they try a third to fix it. And don’t get me started on those giant fish lips.
        Jackie was a class act that knew when to stop.
        I don’t want surgery, but I might try a really tight ponytail on top of my head … if it doesn’t give me a headache, ha ha!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I look like the map of Delaware. If you peruse me at a distance I’m okay. Just whatever you do, don’t Zoom in. Sigh


  2. Nir Buras says:

    Dear Susannah,

    I enjoy your witty and sensitive urban perspective. I just wrote a book about cities and their beauty. It’s a little technical, but you might like it. My idea is to go around the world creating a “Buras does a Bourdain for cities” and thought you might want to be part if a team like that. In any event, you are the only blogger I follow, so there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dale says:

    Not everyone can afford, nor has been as lucky as Jane Fonda re; plastic surgery. Most end up looking like shit in no time. I worked for a guy who wore the nastiest, filthy, disgusting toupee ever. This guy managed to have a string of young ladies at his beck and call (it helped that he paid for their tuition. How they ever… no, I can’t complete this thought…)
    As for the whole keeping the phones at the table – it is so sad. I watched a small family. The parents on their phone and the son kept asking questions, trying to create a dialogue (how backwards is that?)
    Let us keep the communication lines open!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sorryless says:

    Social media can really be an oxymoron, since there is nothing social about cutting into personal time with family in lieu of strangers. I remember going to a restaurant on South Beach and walking in to find an entire table ON THEIR PHONES. And I had to ask the woman I was with why they bothered to even come to Miami?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Patricia says:

    I don’t get the toupee thing…I like bald! I would love to have a face lift but it’s not in the budget and never will be. As for phones…I never have my phone out when I am visiting with someone. I think that’s just rude. As for kids having phones I have mixed feelings. Once kids are old enough to go out and about in their own it is probably wise that they have phones. That way their whereabouts can be tracked and if they find themselves in unusual or frightening circumstances they can call someone or 911.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Vasca says:

    You have a plethora of dedicated followers who make outstanding comments…makes for happy blogging…nothing like encouragement. .


  7. So true about old guys. There is a time to just accept the absence of comb worthy hair, and then start wearing it short.


  8. Did the short, public rant feel good? Not picking, just wondering. Sometimes, those make wonderful feelings just pour out. I take issue with things as well. It’s up to people to do as they see fit, but when I pass a couple who are both on there phones at a restaurant, I, usually, stop until one or both look up and say, “As long as you are not texting each other, okay.” Makes em think or, at least, that’s my hope.
    I also gift my 2 great nieces a fancy book of short stories (they are 5 and 7, I believe) for Christmas.
    I have disliked the speed at which the world’s people run from each other and from privacy for a while, but find it acceptable to just sitting around all day trying to look busy. Nice post, Susannah.

    Liked by 1 person

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