I’m a polite girl. I would never say the things to anyone, that others say to me. I’ve come to think mouths should come with a permit.
If you had two heads, the most I’d say is hello, twice, never commenting nor spewing advice you never asked for.
That said.
I’m in the check-out line at the all night deli buying milk. It’s late, a last minute errand before bed, so no, I didn’t powder my nose, that now is so out of joint I look like a boxer.
A woman I had not seen in quite a while runs in while her driver, viewed from the window, double parks.
She pounces like a puma.
“I’m in such a hurry, could you save my place in line?”
What place. She never got in line.
I watch her grab cookies, yogurt, a bar of overpriced dark chocolate like it was the Cuban Missile Crisis, before hopping in front of me.
Yes, the puma has balls the size of grapefruits.
Me and my fat free milk are too tired to spar with a Kardashian wannabe, especially caught off guard.
She looks at me like a jeweler examining a stone.
“I’m lookin’ at your face honey. You could use a little work. Why don’t you do somethin’ about it.”
You mean like smack you?
If this woman stabbed me, it would have hurt less.
I wouldn’t have said that to my mother who would have deserved it, or even Trump, who’s aging like bad cheese.
So I have a choice, to rise above it like a better aroma, or go for her Gucci jugular. Then I realize, she’s drunk.
When she starts to weave a little as if those Mallomars weigh 50 pounds, it hits me. So no, I didn’t say, better than looking like a dinner plate, but instead, as she’s headed out the door, holler…if I were you madam, I’d put that plug, back in the jug.
I know, not exactly a slam dunk, but it’s all I had.
Next time, me and my milk will be better prepared. 
SB
Are you kidding, Susannah? Your retort was a slam dunk in my book! I love it! Now I want to go find an inebriated person so I can use it. So funny!
I always let people with a few groceries go ahead of my over flowing cart, but that interloper would have been sent to the back of the bus. I’ve become a bit less tolerant of self-important idiots as I’ve aged.
As for her rude comment, don’t give it a second thought. I have a couple of cousins who make similar observations every time I (too often) see them. I chalk it up to their own insecurity.
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There’s an epidemic of rude women in these parts, some I’ll actually cross the street to avoid, when one comes into view. She was a bit of a sniper so, I couldn’t escape but, made a good story in any event. Women, it’s almost embarrassing to be one when one acts like that. sigh
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Now why am I not surprised your keep negativity to yourself … well, in most cases.
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Good to air it, and anything for an essay. 🙂
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🙂
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LOL! I loved your comeback. Seriously, though, how would you prepare for such a rude encounter?
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Carry an Uzi? Isn’t it amazing though that anyone would say that?
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She’s selfish and crazy.
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It would seem.
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I’m surprised your milk didnt turn sour with her comments. People should learn not to be so rude before looking in the mirror, physically and metaphorically. And just for the record, I have been called a “beagle type thing” and “a bit flea bitten” but I havent put the bitey on anyone. Maybe we are cut from the same cloth of being pleasant.
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We’re both rescues, it sounds like. 🙂
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I think we both try to hold our tongue, be pleasant and happy and not upset anyone, as its not worth the effort. Too few people seem to have kept the ability to think before they act. Maybe it is part of the make up of the world today?
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The world definitely is out of hand behavior wise, that’s for sure. Starting in Washington, trickling over to those charming debates that should be advertised as mud wrestling, just without the mud. I’m still polite…the change I’d like to see. WOOF!
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Good grief… Manners truly have gone down the drain, haven’t they? From the pouncing in front o you to the rude and gratuitous comment. How you managed to not retort on the spot, is beyond me. She deserved a lot worse than your great come back.
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That’s an AA line, so I can’t claim it, but it sort of says it all, doesn’t it.
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It definitely does!
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Interesting, because I thought the comment was spot on.
Perhaps, less than I would have said, but I also would have made certain she got in line “Behind” me and insisted on it. Just the way I am now, it seems. Or would have just shook my head, looked at the cashier, and said nothing, I suppose that’s possible, too.
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It was late. Sometimes being the bigger person has its advantages, like peace of mind. She was a small blip of the radar screen of life. A gnat at a picnic. 🙂
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I notice that I have reverted back to my confrontational ways, only in my advanced age there is a nuance involved that makes it so worth it.
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Nuance…a subtle difference in or shade of meaning, expression, or sound…into the file it goes. “)
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Nuance has a very jazzy definition. That means a lot.
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I thought so.
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Nuance is also a rapper in France. (Sorry, I had to).
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I just saw a beret, kicking up its heels, so to speak.
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Your chic and your cheeky . . always overflowing.
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cheeky to cheeky
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Your album cover
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Like Sinatra’s when he wore that tilted Fedora.
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You’d sport it with panache. (Yes, it’s going in the file as we speak).
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Panache…flamboyant confidence of style or manner. Words, they rock.
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Yep . . hey, my memory isn’t nearly as bad as I’m giving it credit for. Panache it was.
Words rock. Peeps who keep the roll to em? They are the maestros.
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I agree. I knew a kid in high school who was very dapper…black, in hindsight probably gay, who dressed like Super Fly, and guess what his cronies called him…YUP…PANACHE.
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Having the moniker Panache . . I mean, well . . . yanno.
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I know…yanno.
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😉
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I don’t do retorts these days. I decided that I didn’t need to have a snappy comeback to rude actions/people. I felt that would put me on their level, in the gutter…where I definitely did not want to be. I like being calm and in control of my emotions if possible…takes thought and reining in. My motto is the quote I recently etched in my mind…”One minute of anger costs sixty seconds of happiness”…I def need all the happiness possible Don’t worry about your looks Susannah, you’re lovely and there’s no need for any approval to go out w/o makeup. Once upon a time I would never do it but these days? I do it more and more…who cares? Besides our faces need a rest more now than then. Enjoy the weekend – stay cool headed…you’ll be better for it. Hugs!
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Thank you, you too.
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Good decision on your part.
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Snipers in our midst. Hard to dodge them all.
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I an not fast enough to even try to dodge the snipers. Rather, I opt for the body armor.
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You’re a smart cookie. 🙂
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Oh! The fact that you came up with anything at all to say back to that walking plastic mold is impressive enough when compared to what I would’ve done. It’s even more impressive that it was an actual comeback. Slam-dunk in my book. Well-written, too. I’m glad I came across your page.
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Also…”Face Off”…what a great title.
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🙂
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Thank you. We try.
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
DIPLOMACY IN THE FACE OF A DRUNK IS ALWAYS ADVISABLE—NO MATTER HOW IRRITATING! 😀
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Sometimes a girl just can’t help it. Thanks for reblogging. Always kind of you.
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