Norma Rae In Crackers

Another drama unfolds at my neighborhood grocery store.

There I was in Biscuits, Crackers and Chips, reading the sodium content on a box of Triscuits, when I hear a woman yelling at another woman who’s standing too close to her.

“You’re not obeying the 6 foot rule,” she snaps.

“Well, then neither are you,” says the other lady.  In other words, back off baby if you’re that bothered.

I continue reading, thinking that was that, when nutjob number one starts screaming for the manager.

Let me clue you in on Manager Bob. Bodies show more emotion, since, he’s about as connected as a loose spark plug on an abandoned Chevy, so when he ambles over with a box of sardines, her yelling did nothing but detain him from canned fish.    images-1.png

“WHAT KIND OF STORE IS THIS?!” she bellows, “NOT PROTECTING YOUR CUSTOMERS!!!”

At this point I’m just listening, trying, SO HARD to, as they recommend in 12 Step, bless her, change me, since I longed to crack her with my crackers.

The market, believe me, is doing the best they can. Every worker is masked and gloved, still managing to do their job though I’m certain, would prefer not to be there. Essential workers, if they choose to stay home, don’t get paid by the way, madam, and no, I’m still behaving as I comparison shop.

The woman she got angry at, I can see, is about to blow like a front tire as she’s waiting for Victor, who looks like a heart surgeon, slicing cheese in his aqua green mask, completes her order.

I long to say, play nice, like a kindergarten teacher, but am still holding my tongue.

BUT THEN SHE CAME AFTER ME!

“I need saltines,’ she snarls, “how long to you expect to be there, I’m in a hurry!”

OKAY, THAT’S IT MA’AM, AND IF I HAD A GUN, YOU’D BE NEXT TO THE VEAL, PROOF ENOUGH WHY IT’S IMPORTANT I NEVER OWN A FIREARM.images-1.jpeg

“Madam, I’ve stood here while you’ve abused everyone in your path, well, IT STOPS HERE! IF YOU’RE THAT NERVOUS, FROM NOW ON, HAVE YOUR NEEDS DELIVERED.”

“DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME HOW I SHOULD DO THINGS…WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ?!”

Now here’s the best part, proof that, humor is even  better than an Uzi.

The lady she verbally assaulted flips around like a tortilla in a track suit and says, “YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS, SHE’S A WOMAN BUYING CRACKERS, AND YOU’RE CERTIFIABLY NUTS.”

Well, alrighty then.

Finally this crazy woman shut-up, as I decide, nah, Triscuits are just a bit too high in salt, choosing Bremner Wafers, instead.

Welcome to the monkey house, right off Fifth, to quote dear Mr. Vonnegut.     

SB

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Culture, food, Health, humanity, humor, New York City, women, words, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

68 Responses to Norma Rae In Crackers

  1. I had to laugh out loud at your descriptors, Susannah. (tortilla in a tracksuit was my favorite) I’m so glad I’m not allowed out. I can’t stand rude and would definitely get into trouble. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dale says:

    Methinks peeps are getting a tad… stressed. True colours do seem to shine brightest when one has reached a certain point.
    Shopping and an interactive show!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorryless says:

    You can’t always control what happens, but you can always control the way you respond to what happens. So Madame Batshit got her what’s what delivered and like you suggested, hopefully any sustenance she is in need of will be following suit.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sure nerves are getting quite frayed in NYC right about now. At least the store is doing what they can to protect their workers. Stores here don’t have those kind of protective gear, although the infection rate is much lower here. Stay safe and keep your ear cocked for more entertaining stories of this world gone mad.
    David

    Liked by 1 person

    • World Gone Mad would make a great title for an Oped piece. I just came in and it’s like visiting Mars. The weather is nice today yet, the streets are empty. Those who are out look like they’re all rushing into surgery. I keep thinking I’m dreaming. If only.

      Like

  5. Eilene Lyon says:

    What’s she gonna do when the food stops coming in? At least the stores are providing us with sustenance – something to be damn grateful for!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s no acknowledgement of the efforts being made by so many people. The workers for instance. They’re at risk too. The person buying is not 6 feet from the cashier who could easily get it from them. It’s all so crazy. Mothers all wrapped up like plastic mummies with kids without any protection at all. I don’t get it. Are they exempt? I’m home in bed at 730, like an inmate serving 3-5. Sigh

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Rubenstein, Hal says:

    Great story from the Naked City

    Best,
    Hal

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Drama in the marketplace! I can’t believe the spoiled brat turned on you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha! Ha! Maybe she should ROTTEN hell.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. skinnyuz2b says:

    I think she must be related to the bore who had you hold her place in line, in front of you.
    Not to be too mean, but I would have been tempted to begin coughing. And maybe ask her to feel my forehead to see if she thought I had a fever.
    It truly amazes me when people are beyond rude.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. kingmidget says:

    Well, then, you will now and forever be known as “Woman buying crackers”.

    I end up going to the grocery store every few days. So far, everybody has been pleasant and cooperative. If I had been in your situation, I think I wouldn’t be able to help myself. No pocket Uzi … no, I’d just start laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.