And The Hits Just Keep on Comin’

images-3.jpegThank God for humor, and I don’t say that lightly.

Where would we be if we couldn’t laugh at the absurd and the outrageous?

The world is upside down, with us trying our best to hold on. Accepting the things we cannot change, would be a mighty big help, but clearly not on Manhattan’s Upper East Side.

images-2.jpeg Fruit Cart…corner of Lex and 86th

The essential fruit man is being berated by a woman in what looks to be a Louis Vuitton mask who, if so, Louis didn’t waste much time, who’s demanding he wipe off her apples before putting them into a bag.

The man, masked, gloved, with eyes so bloodshot from working all night that can barely stay open, looks at her helplessly.

Part of it is, and I can lecture on this, he can’t hear what she’s asking, language getting lost, mask to mask.

I only heard her because mine was strategically on so I can hear more than most, already having hearing difficulties.

That said.

Joan of Bark rides to the rescue.

“Madam, you don’t realize, he can’t hear you in his mask.”

She says, “Well it looks like you heard me.”

“Mine isn’t on as tightly as his.”

She jumps back like we’re suddenly playing hopscotch.

“YOU’RE NOT OBEYING THE RULES THEN. I’M GOING TO REPORT YOU!!!”

Now the fruit man who’d go to the chair for me since, I’m his when I can’t sleep, midnight coffee connection, steps between us, grabs her apples right out of her arms and says…

“YOU GO! YOU NOW GET FRUIT, FAIRWAY. NO MORE HERE!!!”

Kurt Vonnegut couldn’t have written this.

Now we have a crowd watching.

Mrs. Ass-tor forgets all about me and starts yelling at him, demanding her apples back, that he refuses to give her.

My hero, in plastic,

But here’s the best part.

On cue, a cop pulls up to see what all the commotion is about. When this woman tells him about her apple issue, his expression stays the same. He looks at her, then me, before calmly reaching across the dash of his police car for change, saying to fruit man, pointing at an apple…

“Give me one of those.”

The woman, stunned, shakes her head kinda like Daffy Duck, and stomps off.

New York has seen it all folks, from Draft Riots to blackouts, to crumbing skyscrapers, keeping her eye on what’s important.

How bout them apples?

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.”
Kurt Vonnegut

Sing it, Kurt.  🙂      images-1.png

SB

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Culture, Fashion, food, humanity, humor, New York City, Women and men, words, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

61 Responses to And The Hits Just Keep on Comin’

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, no one could have come up with a better response than that policeman. Absolutely perfect! I hope the vendor gave him one of Ms. Snooty’s confiscated apples, ha ha! Pookie laughed when I told him this story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • She was out of her mind, really. The fear factor one can truly understand, just not the rudeness that often accompanies it. It’s gone viral, no pun intended. Pookie’s always such an easy laugh. We like that in a boy. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    A sense if humor is always important … and during crazy times, even more than normal. Can’t believe the privileged one didn’t mention your mask to the police. You did well, Joan of Bark!

    Good morning. Thanks for the smile to start my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The power of a dead stare and an apple is underrated.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. robprice59 says:

    Oh, how I’ve missed you.
    Maeve had folk screaming at her in the butchers, until her boss threatened to banish them. Where do folk find all that entitlement?
    Good piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good to know, though I feel for Maeve, it’s not just here.

      Liked by 2 people

      • robprice59 says:

        I feel for her too. She’s not at work presently, due to a broken wrist, but I doubt (some of) her customers will have learnt any respect in the meantime.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It does seem that way, here too. They are fueled with resentment as though it’s only happening to them. I’m forever amazed by it. Some of us though, will be changed, that I can assure you. Hope she feels better. I send warmest regards, and it’s all in the wrist, to quote Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina when she’s teaching Humphrey Bogart how to crack an egg. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. kingmidget says:

    I must live in a different country or something. Just don’t see these types of things over here. Or maybe I’m just not looking. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is why there should be Asshat hunting licenses. Nothing fatal just a good taser hit. Well told, Susannah.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Vasca says:

    Oh you had a good time with Ms. Barker. I’m thinking about taking one of ‘her’ apples, wiping it off with an arm, hand it to her and ask her to help me w/something. “Oh, what?” Put your apple on your head…I need to dust off my archery skills. She was mean and rude…what the cop did was just perfect…sharp cop! The fruit man is yours forever more! Love it. One of my grandson’s is an essential worker (Fed EX) and he carries a letter authorizing him to drive to his office in case he’s stopped by the police. it’s wild around here too. Lots of great comedy in the midst of the insanity!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dale says:

    There are people out there who have been put on this earth to try the most patient. Job would have his job cut out for him with this one. Poor woman probably doesn’t know how to turn on the tap, fill the sink, add some vinegar (where is that kept?) and let the apples soak…
    On the bright side, you seem to have an infinite amount of stories to tell and we get to enjoy them on this side of the page!

    Like

  9. A fruitless enterprise!!!! Oh, that was a rich one, Susannah! Mrs. Ass-tor probably went home to veg out after her confrontational day. I love your sense of humor and the priceless way you report a New York incident.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sorryless says:

    Imma forego the puns because if I got started, it wouldn’t stop until who knows when. But as for this lady, she’s why humility and grace are more important than ever. She has none, which leaves more for someone else. Someone who appreciate the stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. If I were to place a bet, then my money would be on the “fruit man.”

    Liked by 1 person

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