Down With The Upper East Side

I’ve had it.

Don’t be surprised if you see me on the news.

Every day there’s a new sniper shooting.

Let me recap:

We now have those adorable seasonal runners who think they own the Park.

You can’t miss them in their brand new togs, Fendi fanny packs for the women, Lululemon for the men.

And we mustn’t forget those phones, strapped to their bulging waists like .38s.

I’m walking east to west, normally a pretty walk this time of year, Nature looking her best, when a woman starts screaming for me to move further away as she’s approaching…

ON HER PHONE.

I was so far from her, I couldn’t even make out who was yelling at me, since she was the size of an ant.

Where’s that mosquito repellent when you need it?

I said, “Madam, I suggest you work out at home if you’re that frightened,” and to my credit said it kindly though duly enraged.

It’s happening much too often, the high and mighty, demanding you accommodate them like house slaves.

Cut To…

woman on a bike, parked, her belly the size of Budda’s, yelling at everyone going by whose mask was down.

Who the fuck died and made her Columbo?

But here’s the best of all.

I’m coming back from my run walking by The Great Lawn. My bandanna is down because no one was remotely near me, when I see a woman with a Pekingese.

I flip my mask up, but apparently not fast enough for her.

“I expect you to keep that mask on while you’re in our Park?” she says, in a voice that could crack ice.

“Our Park? Did you buy it, because I didn’t know it was for sale.”

“You think you’re so cute,” she says, cradling her dog like a baby.

“Actually, I don’t since, you’ve obviously not seen my hair.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Where’s your sense of humor,” I say, still trying to keep it light…abuse light we’ll call it.

“My Bebe deserves to be protected, and you waltzing around mask-less is unacceptable.”

The poor dog is now embarrassed, and my fuse is lit.

‘Well, why doesn’t your dog have a mask on then? If I’m supposed to protect her, who will protect me against her?”

She stared at me like I had 2 heads.

“Hey, it’s not a trick question, and for the record, your dog looks a whole lot better than you do, and further more, DON’T YOU EVER ADDRESS ME THAT WAY AGAIN…

Okay, Zelda?”

This is why I must never own a firearm.

Unknown

 

 

 

 

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, Culture, humanity, humor, nature, New York City, words, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to Down With The Upper East Side

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, why is that the bad apples always ruin the whole barrel?
    I can rarely think of good replies on the spot, but come up with some doozies later. If I used your park I’d have to sit down ahead of my run and think of possible retorts or comments. Just like a girl scout, I’d be prepared.
    You could skirt around the obnoxious park owners, wrinkle your pretty nose, and go. “Ewww, what did you step in?” They’d be giving themselves the sniff test all the way home, ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kate Howell says:

    Thank god youโ€™re tougher with these assholes ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป

    ~Hal Rubenstein From my iPhone

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nicely put. My first chord is always, kindness with a humorous chaser. After that, all bets are off, and when I say, how often this stuff happens, It’s not poetic license. It’s ongoing. Just now in the market, some woman was yelling at me for not stepping up to the cashier fast enough. There was someone still there. I was on my 6 foot line. It’s like a fucking jungle, with sushi.

      Like

  3. Vasca says:

    It
    It’s a war zone outside one’s little quarantine area…at least it is in your area. You’re expected (at least those who are spoiled rotten to the core) to follow their Rules for Fools book. You did well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kingmidget says:

    I just don’t even know where to begin.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand. Lets hope where you are, people aren’t so insane. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        Well, they arenโ€™t. Thatโ€™s part of the mystery. My county has, so far, had pretty low numbers. (Knocking on wood.) Maybe thatโ€™s why. While I see some people get outraged on local social media sites like Nextdoor, in person interactions are fine. I havenโ€™t seen any of the things you experienced. When I go for my jogs, I donโ€™t wear a mask. And plenty of other walkers and runners who are out and about are maskless as well. Nobody gets upset.

        Liked by 1 person

      • How lucky you are. I’m harassed even with a mask, on distance, even though it’s not the case. Fear is as contagious it seems, as the damned virus. I’m dealing with things nobly and rationally. I try to give leeway as much as I can, feeling compassion rather than disdain, BUT…WE HAVE OUR LIMITS. YES WE DO!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        A few days ago, I had to take my mom in for a medical procedure. We were told we that we wouldnโ€™t be allowed in the door with masks. So, we wore our masks. In less than five minutes, I counted at least a half dozen employees of the facility without masks. Itโ€™s that kind of thing that annoys me.

        Yesterday, I drove the wife to have LASIK surgery. We walked in. I had a mask on. I was told I had to wait in my car, patients only. So I went back to my car, only to be called back in to pay the bill. And then I went back in to use the bathroom. So, I can be inside to pay the bill and use the bathroom, but I canโ€™t sit in a corner with mask on to wait?? Itโ€™s that kind of thing that annoys me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        I have a lot more patience with whether or not people are wearing masks when they are just out and about.

        Like

      • I know your MRI for your knee has been postponed. Hope your knee is better. Yeah, all these upside rules. But people don’t know what they’re doing. I had a store owner ask to spray my sneaks before I came in. i said nothing, and almost left piqued, but took a breath, prayed that his fear would turn into faith, the urban apostle that I am, and got what I needed. It was very sad to me and illuminating because, I’m not that afraid. Careful, smart, but can’t live that way.

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        I did get the MRI done, just postponed a month. I have a slight tear in one ligament, degradation of another ligament, calcium deposits, tendonosis, early stages of arthritis. In other words, a 55-year-Old knee. Iโ€™ve been running almost every day still. And the knee is achy, but not blowing up. So Iโ€™m going to keep at it as long as I can. I had an appointment for a surgical consult, but just cancelled it. Not going there unless I absolutely have to.

        Iโ€™m not โ€œthat afraidโ€ either, but I try to be as patient and respectful as possible.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Me too. Glad you can still run. I so know what a bummer it is when you can’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Midget…you don’t mind if I call you that, I hope. I like it…it’s so Damon Runyon, a favorite writer of mine. Thought of a book…short, pithy essays by Vonnegut called, Man Without A Country. When you read them now, it’s uncanny how current they sound. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        I will take a look.

        And you can call me whatever you want.

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        But I get to call your The Librarian.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’d love that!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        How about The Rebellious Librarian. Or RL for short.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I like both, but being from Connecticut prefer the long version. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • kingmidget says:

        You got it, Rebellious Librarian.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m gettin T-shirts.

        Like

      • kingmidget says:

        I know somebody who could design one.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Do you think I’d come off smug as a bug in a pulp rug? Just askin’ ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  5. There is a special little corner in hell reserved for those who think they are entitled simply because they are alive. Your story reminds me of Germany where everyone feels they need to teach proper conduct to everyone else. I loved the suggestion of Skinnyuz2b. Talk about messing with minds. ๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Dale says:

    The obnoxiousness of these people is remarkable. What would happen if you simply ignored them and kept on your way? Smile, nod and keep on walking/running. Fuck ’em.
    There is no way in hell I’d be able to run with a mask on and thankfully have not been chastised for it thus far. Some wear masks, most don’t (I’m talking walkers, runners, cyclists) – mind you, there are 168 cases in my town of 40,743 so… I’m guessing we don’t have the high stress levels as you do in NYC.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do ignore them when I can, but it’s just so ongoing. It sounds as if I make these stories up, but I don’t. The natives are restless since, there’s no end in sight, Cuomo being smarter than the rest of the country already seeing spikes in Covid cases. I don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore. I go out early to run to avoid these incessant skirmishes, but even then someone, like the pekinese woman, will be out just waiting to ruin your day. More will be revealed as they say in 12 Step. Stay where your feet are. Be mindful. Count your blessings. Eat pie. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Brilliant. You go for it. But don’t go for it while toting guns! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A masked man verbally attacked John and me with a soft voice in the supermarket. He said we should be wearing a mask and asked didn’t we care about him? We weren’t about to escalate the incident, so we smiled and walked on. I was rankled by it for several hours. We are not required to wear masks, nor was I required to justify myself to him. I would love to have suggested that he stay home if he was so concerned about his health.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That would have been the right answer. It’s a First Amendment issue as far as I’m concerned, and it’s rude and inappropriate to lecture and demand. If we’re feeling unsafe, it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves. I can see why it bothered you. It’s a verbal assault on your civil liberties. sigh

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It sounds like it may be helpful to remember what Governor C said โ€œ IT BECAUSE WE ARE NEW YORK TOUGH AND TOUGH — NOT JUST TOUGH. WE KNOW WHAT TOUGH IS. BUT TOUGH IS ALSO SMART AND TOUGH IS ALSO UNITED AND SMART — TOUGH IS ALSO DISCIPLINE. AND TOUGH, MOST IMPORTANTLY, IS LOVING.โ€

    Liked by 1 person

  10. robprice59 says:

    Your tongue is more effective than a mere firearm, Susannah. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Was it wrong that I chuckled at the dialog? Trust me the East side doesn’t have a monopoly on self-absorbed douchebags. They’re everywhere and I am convinced they’re breeding like cockroaches. With the recent demonstrations, hopefully the more afraid ones will stay indoors. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.