Assault and Batteries

I’m in the Park as the sun is coming up, alone except for a pigeon who won’t take no for an answer.

After stretching my calves the size of mangoes from all my years of running, take flight

I see someone in the distance, so up comes my mask.

Many at that hour don’t even bother to bring one, but not Susannah…she obeys the rules.

I swerve right like you should when someone is coming the other way, and though there’s a good 12 feet between us, this woman, with cleavage that shouldn’t be out that early, and a big radio, starts screaming…

“GET AWAY.  YOU’RE TOO CLOSE…GET AWAY!!!”

Since I was miffed, to say the least, admonished by someone dressed like a porn star, it will explain my next move.

“HEY LAVERNE, YOU’RE THAT NERVOUS…YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN THE PARK…GO HOME!!!”

She looks shocked that I’d respond in this manner, dropping her boom box causing the batteries to roll down the road.

Who shall I be?

Joan of Bark, Pollyanna, a handy man poppin back in those batteries?

Then decide, hell…enough is enough, Miss Late Night.

NORMA RAE, IS IN THE HOUSE.

“ADIOS,” she said, through her mask.       

SB

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Culture, humanity, humor, New York City, words, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

79 Responses to Assault and Batteries

  1. robprice59 says:

    Where is your two metre bubble if you’re stood in a breeze? Folk don’t think these things through very well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    I always assumed that anyone who has the gumption to get up early and run would be pleasant to encounter. How did this bad apple get into the wrong group? My guess is she is normally a gym person and isn’t happy to be in the fresh air.
    I hope she heard your ‘adios’ while trying to figure out which way to put her batteries back in.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, good point. The gyms are still all closed. I had never seen her before. It was smart of me to hightail it out of there since, there was no one else around, and that pigeon, as attentive as he was, I’m pretty sure knew no martial arts. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. kingmidget says:

    Don’t you understand, she owns the place when she is out and about. Center of the universe material right there. How dare you invade her 80 foot wide bubble!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Susannah
    I know you can take care of yourself, but I always worry when I hear you are out and about that early in the morning in the park alone.
    Be careful, there are some crazy folk out there, and the quarantine is only make them crazier. Even the non-crazy (like me) are having their moments.
    Blessings to you! ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is true. Bad behavior, run wild. There are other people out, though today I was earlier than usual, so I don’t know, maybe there’s Disco Running I knew nothing about. That was the other thing, the screech of loud music at 5:30 a.m. There should be a law, or an amendment to disturbing the peace, but besides all that, I’ll just take those blessings, thank you very much. 🙂

      Like

      • How dare they have Disco Running and not invite you the Queen of the Park?? 😉
        I couldn’t agree with you more as far as the loud music. Just today at 7:30 am as I was walking to work a car passed by me with the sound so obnoxiously loud I wished he would get a ticket for it. I actually yelled at the driver and I am not even one to pick a fight.
        Blessings are never too much so I am sending you more 🙂 ♥♥♥

        Like

      • I’m running around with a big basket to put them in. 🙂

        Like

  5. I’m with you on the firearm. I think we ought to pass a law where a person like this gets a custard pie in the face when they least expect it. Also, anyone with a unit that can spit out batteries ought to be arrested for abuse of power.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dale says:

    What burns my ass about these people, and I am being generous by using people and not heathens, is that she no doubt saw you put your mask up AND swerve out of her way. Was Laverne of the big tits wearing her mask or just carrying a ridiculous boombox that should be outlawed on any runner’s path – especially at such an early hour?
    If you had helped her pick up her batteries, I swear I would have gone down there and smacked you silly… ADIOS was the appropriate response.

    Liked by 1 person

    • She didn’t evoke empathy in me at all, which is unusual. I think I’ve just had it with the Pandammit across the board. You’re not relaxed when you go out. I move like a thief stealing that hour hoping to not run into anyone. It’s as though our emotional feedom has been hijacked. The mask business that I get, makes you want to stay in. It’s 100 degrees. As stupid and trite as it sounds…how the fuck did this happen?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        How could she? Nothing you have described about her, would. The Pandammit (by the way, I use this all the time now, giving you credit) is such a strain on everyone. You’d think more people would have more empathy but no… they are so much all about themselves that they can’t see it’s GLOBAL. How the fuck did this happen indeed? And why in the blessed fuck are you running in 100 degree weather?
        We finally got a break in the heat and humidity today. For the next week we are “only” going to be in the mid-eighties, positively balmy compared to the stink you guys are having.

        Like

      • At 5ish, it’s cooler. The humidity seems to flare up at around 9. At the moment, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        It must be. Cooler – ish. Ugh. Brutal this heat and humidity.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Let’s just say, masks and mugginess do not play well.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        Oh gawd no. We, since Saturday, must wear masks everywhere (about fucking time) so when I leave my canteen hut that I work in to go get more ingredients or whatever, I have to put it back on, just in case I encounter a co-worker.
        I refuse to bitch and moan about it. I will continue wearing it in public.
        We need to work together to get a handle on this.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Agreed. Mewling is a waste of energy since, there’s no other alternative. I’m grateful I can zoom in and out. My heart goes out to those who have to wear them at an 8 hour stretch.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        It is. And yes. I look at the poor cooks and waitstaff where I work and thank my lucky stars I’m in my little room.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Sorryless says:

    Methinks the masks are affecting the blood flow to people’s brains to enough of a degree that the stupid shit they say at least has some justification. But seriously, what in the blessed fuck is up with people?

    Like

  8. Sounds like she would have freaked out even more if you had tried to help her. Everyone is crazy these days, it seems.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so true. The other day, in Bed Bath & Beyond, a Latina lady who didn’t have her mask on, was NICELY told by a polite worker to please put it on. Well, she went off the rails…YOU’RE TARGETING MY PEOPLE…BLAH BLAH BLAH. Witnessing this I say, “A dignified man of color just asked you to obey a rule, so is he targeting his own people? She flounced from the store like a misplaced dolphin. The poor kid was so upset. I told him he did fine. He then said, ma’am, your nose is showing, and no, I didn’t accuse him of targeting my people. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Running into these “Karen types” are enough to make those of us who use the early morning hours to console our spirits more than just a tad cranky. Normally I’m a cheerful sort since I love and appreciate the early morning peacefulness but these kind of people really make my cheese fall off its cracker. Grrr.

    Like

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