Things Are Rarely What They Seem

images-3.jpeg John Waters wrote a book called, Mr Know it All.

I could easily pen the sequel…Miss Know it All since, I too think I’m always right.

For instance, the first time I saw the giant blow-up rat perched on the back of a flat truck parked in front of a building, thought it was a Disney promotion.images-3.jpeg

WRONG!

It’s what the Teamsters do to shame a company when hiring nonunion workers.

Donald Trump does not wear a toupee. I would tell people that he did, since, why else would his hair look that way?

Catfish have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with an actual cat. Yeah, I did think in my youth, it was some poor stray pan fried, served with coleslaw, fries and tartar sauce.

When a woman is referred to as stacked, it has nothing to do with her poker game.

I read, therefore believed, eating cheese before bed will give you nightmares, hence, no pizza for me after 5.

WRONG!

I’m Italian. Talk about post traumatic stress disorder, my Mozzarella light blinking.

Bats are not blind, it’s not why they fly in your window by mistake.

Kim Kardashian did not have an ass transplant.

Eating oysters, if you’re just not in the mood, will not turn you into Mae West. When I think of all those I reluctantly slurped, while waiting for my libido to launch.Β Β  images-1.png

Cary Grant is not buried in Grant’s Tomb. I was a kid when I thought this, not realizing he was still alive, as well as when my mother said, I better keep an eye on Barbie and Ken so they didn’t fool around…as shrink number 33 said…

that’s all the time we have for today Susannah…so will that be cash, or a check???

SB

 

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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71 Responses to Things Are Rarely What They Seem

  1. robprice59 says:

    All those white lies we absorb and nurture. What a strange species we are. Do you think it is driven from a natural curiosity, or maybe a desire to appear wise?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure. I’m learning though, finally, that I really know very little about anything.

      Liked by 1 person

      • robprice59 says:

        Not so Susannah: you know lots. And more importantly, you know the things that matter: how to be kind and courteous; thoughtful and considerate; supportive and compassionate. This is wisdom beyond the most feted scholar.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s an awfully kind thing to say. Being courteous and thoughtful these days is a little bit like lion taming. Many people just aren’t interested and let you know it. For me it’s selfish since, when I’m my best Pollyanna self, it chases my own gloom and doom out of the room like a cat chasing mice. The Talmud says…kindness is the highest form of wisdom. I’m no religious scholar, but it sure rings true. Thanks. Nice words to wake up to.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A vote of confidence — I think you are always right. I am, too. I still think my premise is logical that wind is produced by the waving of tree branches. I watched sweltering parishioners fan themselves with paper fans donated by funeral homes. Wave a fan; a breeze happens. Wave a tree; result is wind. Sorry. I’m a bit long-winded today.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    Thanks for the smiles to start my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    When I was young my father told me that filet mignon was horse meat. Since a young female horse is a filly, I fell for this. And of course, Welch rarebit was a poor little cooked bunny.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rubenstein, Hal says:

    Excellent !

    Best,
    Hal

    Liked by 1 person

  6. kingmidget says:

    Trump may not wear a toupee, but he certainly has magic hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ruthsoaper says:

    Being willing to admit when you are wrong is and admirable quality and probably the reason my husband and I are still married. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Shrink number 33 – LOL. My parents told my sister and me that shrimp were grubs. Of course, we wouldn’t want any and would be happier with a PB&J. Fun time today. Thanks, Susannah.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ERCWriting says:

    Haha there are P L E N T Y of these lies that we tell ourselves. But the main takeaway from this is: I did NOT know that John Waters wrote a book called “Mr. Know It All”! I’m going to check that out lol

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dale says:

    Lies we are told…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sorryless says:

    Personally, I like not knowing stuff. For one thing, ignorance really kinda is bliss. For another, when you learn it, you feel younger.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m a serial knower…want to be privy to all facts, even if they’re wrong. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Hey, there’s nothing wrong with knowing lots of stuff. I think it only adds to your cool factor.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m like a file cabinet, with legs.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Have woids, will travel . . .

        Liked by 1 person

      • Love that. WOIDS…YUP. DA ENGWISH LANGUICH.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Dem’s from da Bronx, yanno?

        Like

      • I know. Polo Grounds and Freedom Land country.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        And I love how people who know simply refer to the place as Bronx. “The” isn’t even necessary.

        Like

      • Named after Jonas Bronck.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Love that. You, the Knower Of All Things.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I always love the lore beneath the lore. His farm was there so hence…it’s named for him, sort of. People don’t care about old New York, but I do. There’s a plaque where the Polo Grounds used to be. It’s plain and somewhat prosaic, but if you stand by it, and shut your eyes, you’ll feel the Giants, take the field. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        As with Ebbetts Field, the Polo Ground wasn’t much for aesthetics. But yes, the sounds it made in the middle of summer were as beautiful as anything that hangs in the Met.

        Liked by 1 person

      • History…what was, quite often TRUMPs what is.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        A lot of the great old yards were dumps. But the way they made you feel, it didn’t matter. I remember going to games- both football and baseball- at the old Shea Stadium. We’d make fun of the place, but when I look back I realize that feeling it gave us . . these new digs the Jets and Mets play in just cannot compare.

        Liked by 1 person

      • How bout the House that Ruth Built that is no more. The new one is right out of Epcot…too shiny. too new. Those bleachers and dugouts have no stories to tell.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        I could not agree more. It was completely unnecessary as well. Built solely for the plush crib prices the Steinbrenner boys could rake in. And really, most nights the new place is half empty as a result of having priced fans out.

        The old Stadium should have been on the National Register. It hosted EVERYTHING.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I never understand knocking down the old for the prosaic new that has no character, not one laugh line showing that it lived to its fullest. Same in the city. Buildings and whole blocks are being razed as if they meant nothing. I know it’s the romantic, overly sentimental in me, but I weep at times when I see what’s happening. I can go on and on, but won’t. At least they can’t knock down our memories.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Prosaic is in the file!

        No, and Yankee Stadium had so much to it. The original one I mean. From the Babe and those glorious Yankees teams of old to all the iconic visiting players who graced its doors- Jackie and Teddy Ballgame, Josh Gibson, Hank Greenberg, Roberto Clemente . . and on and on.

        It was where the Giants and Colts played what many people called the greatest game ever in 1958. The Fighting Irish played there and Billy Joel and even a guy named the Pope.

        How do you tear such a place down?

        Liked by 1 person

      • The present powers that be just don’t respect the old. Have no use for it. I see it over and over again.

        As an aside, I finished reading Shoeless Joe. As out there as the story is, there’s so much poignancy in his prose and clear love of the game. It brought up so many images…Joltin Joe, The Babe, the Mick. Jackie Robinson. Even though they’re not in the story, I still saw them in the stands.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Okay, I get it . . they wanted their plush crib to maximize their dollahs. And never mind the fact it didn’t work, it was their money. But . . . keep the old Stadium intact. It was priceless.

        The game is a fascination to me, and Kinsella knows how to scratch my itch. I remember visiting Durham North Carolina some time after the movie Bull Durham came out. I HAD to go visit that small little park with the bull sign in the outfield. It was great, the place was empty, it was the middle of the day. So I ran around the bases like a ten year old and sat in the dugout and even grabbed a used lineup card from the bench as a souvenir. And I can still remember sitting there and looking out over that field and losing myself in the simple beauty of a timeless game. Kinsella paints that very feeling.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I LOVED BULL DURHAM. EVERY BIT OF IT. What a great story that you ran around the bases. That’s the film where Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins fell in love. She was so pretty in that. Love the scene in her apt with Kevin Costner, aka, Crash, when he’s in her house coat after they fucked like bunnies, eating ice cream and she says, “Ya wanna dance?” And he says, “Yeah,” as he pushes her on the kitchen table for round two. BATTA BATTA BATTA

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Hahaha!

        The difference between guys and dolls, I tell ya. And here the scene I remember most is when the pitching coach comes out to the mound and they’re all discussing what to get for a wedding gift.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That guy used to live around the corner from me. What’s his name. Robert Wuhl. He says something like, candlesticks are always nice. That was such a great flick. Love the end when the game is rained out and Annie is sitting in the dugout watching it come down. You could smell it through the screen, the freshness of a rain like that pounding as it comes down. She then moseys home with a parasol kind of umbrella to find Crash waiting on her porch swing, OH MA…I can hear her say. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        Yes! And yes to the candlesticks, that was a classic.

        Haha! Susan played the Southern Belle to a Mint Julip tie, she really did. But then again, she could make any role sizzle.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That was a wonderful movie. That and Field of Dreams are my 2 favorites. Toss in Ken Burns’s documentary, and that’s like winning the Baseball Trifecta of Film. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        It really was. And I’m right there with you as far as favorite baseball movies go. And did I tell you I re-watched Ken Burns’ Baseball this past winter? Such a remarkable collection.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah you did. Such a great series. The Babe part was my favorite. Jackie Robinson, a close 2nd. Mario Cuomo. Was he great or what? How his eyes glistened when he spoke of the game. Ken Burns ROCKS!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorryless says:

        It really is, no matter how many times I watch it, I can always go back again.

        Cuomo should have been MLB Commish, I am serious about that.

        Like

      • I so liked him, which is probably why I’ve latched onto his son. Who knows.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Eilene Lyon says:

    These really made me smile, Susannah. I tried to come up with some silly thing I may have believed once upon a time and came up dry. Maybe I really DO know everything.πŸ˜‰πŸ˜

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I always love your turns of phrase. I think the mystique of aphrodisiacs like oysters is mostly a placebo effect: if you think they’re going to turn you on, you’re probably half way there.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I certainly believed everything I was told, especially from my parents, and would have sworn on a stack of bibles defending it.
    Hahaha! You stirred up the memory of me repeating one of those gems to a group of friends who looked back at me as if I were naked only wearing clown make-up. Live and learn.

    Liked by 1 person

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