I think of myself as a very generous soul, but have learned, it has to ring true.
Giving out of guilt neither helps the giver nor receiver.
There’s a man I know from AA who I like very much. He’s semi homeless, meaning he lives in a shelter, is noble, kind and sober for 22 years.
He never asks for a handout, so when I heard he was seen going through a trash can, my heart left my chest.
Since there are no LIVE meetings because of the virus, I had to search for him. Finally after three tries, found him, sitting near a bus stop by where we used to meet.
I was so happy, but knew, needed to tread softly knowing he’s proud and only wants to be treated as an equal.
After chatting a bit, I hand him a rolled up 20 dollar bill. I knew anything bigger than that could embarrass him which is why he said, “No thanks, I’m okay, but thank you.”
I found myself praying on my feet, something I do in a fix, leftover from my Catholic days I guess, except it’s a little different since it’s more urban in style.
Hail Mary is more like…Mary, are you up? I just want to know he’ll be able to eat.
I said to him, “Listen Max, I’ll call him, please, I need you to take it for me, because I worry about you. You’ve always been so kind to me from the beginning, encouraging me, smiling, handing me Kleenex when I’d cry. Will you do me the favor and just tuck it away somewhere…please?”
After a long moment he did take it, looking at me with what I can only call a Jesusesque expression before saying, “Always know, how much I appreciate you.”
I wept all the home.
But before I got there, a guy jumped from a doorway saying, “Hey, I need money, and I know you got it,” holding out his hand.
My heart said, no, this man’s sense of entitlement doesn’t inspire me to open. I wasn’t afraid, there were people everywhere, but as I walked away realized, giving from the heart is the only way to give to another, a shake down being nothing more than an emotional theft.
I heard him say the same thing to a woman behind me, not turning around to see what she did.
I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves.
My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.