Monday: I’m in the Park crossing the Great Lawn walking gingerly over ice, when I see a young man charging towards me, in shorts no less. I say, hey, be careful, it’s very icy.
If looks could kill, I’d be in Jersey.
Well guess who slid at top speed as if he were stealing Third?
Tuesday: I’m having a bad day. My favorite gold necklace, among other things, is tangled up in blue, to quote Dylan, so I go to the chain smoking, grumpy jeweler down the block to see if he’ll free it from bondage.
He does, with a grunt and a sneer, as tears slide down my face since, it’s the nicest thing that’s happened all day. After asking if I owe him anything, he waves me away. As I leave he asks, framed in smoke, in his thick Israeli accent, “Why do you cry?”
“Cause I’m having a bad day.”
“It will be alright, ” he says, with a grunt and a sneer, a cigarette ash about to fall onto the clock he’s fixing.
That’s all anyone ever wants to hear, even while coughing trapped in a cloud of Camel Non-Filters.
Wednesday: I get a note from Patrick the Cat’s father saying, after his yearly trip to the vet, Patty won’t eat.
Hes very worried. Was wondering if maybe I could invite him over, entice him with a snack.
Only in New York.
So, I of course say yes, even though all I have is a very expensive jar of caviar leftover from this over-the-top Xmas basket (that could have paid my rent) I’ve been saving.
It was 8 a.m. so the thought of fish eggs didn’t quite go with my oatmeal and if Patrick wasn’t in the mood either, then what, I’d waste it.
See, once caviar is opened, like champagne, it goes flat.
Be that as it may, life’s short, and what are pals for anyway.
“Patrick, how bout a little fish to start off the day?” He doesn’t answer. He sits and stares making me wish I had put a little make-up on.
I then open it, placing it on the floor. He walks away.
Shit, I think, disappearing into the kitchen.
When I come back he’s eating like Orson Welles.
“A little milk to wash it down perhaps?” I ask, smiling.
He grunts and sneers.
“I know Patrick, but I’m all outta vodka. 🙂