My friend who owns a gourmet shop gave me upon request, a modest slice of grilled eggplant that, after eating it, made me look like a pylon who swallowed a rat, the button to my jeans popping after telling me, there was no salt.
NEXT DAY…
“Anthony, remember that eggplant you gave me?”
He nods while chomping on a baguette.
“You did say, there was no salt, right?…
He doesn’t answer…chomp chomp.
I’m only asking because, I think there was, and quite a bit as a matter of fact.”
“What’s your point?” he asks, with his mouth full.
“My point is, if someone had high blood pressure, or a heart condition, it wouldn’t be good for them.”
“Do you have high blood pressure?”
“No.”
“Then shut up and have some toast.”
Our respective Italian now goes toe-to-toe.
“Anthony, you can’t say your food has no salt if it does. That’s false advertising, plus these people trust you when you tell them something, like all you sell is organic.”
“What are you, Miss vegetable now? I’m running a business.”
“Well that doesn’t give you the right to lie or to make your workers lie.”
“My workers don’t lie.”
“Is that why Arturo is doctoring up the bean salad?”
“It gets limp overnight.”
“Apparently, that’s not the only thing.”
What happened next?
He kicked me out of the store, without coffee. 
SB
You were right to call him on it. It could be dangerous for allergies, blood pressure, whatever ailments a person has who must be careful… His attitude sucks.
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Sorryless is right…only in New York.
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Ridonkulous.
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Well put.
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😉
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This is the kind of exchange that could only happen in NYC. Nothing against every other place in the world, but it’s the way the city’s pulse does its business. And who’s to say you didn’t just change his mind? And the menu with this tiff? Hell, he owes you more than coffee if so . . .
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If I saw deer in there ordering Tabouli, I wouldn’t be surprised. How can you say there’s no salt when there is. It’s that Pollyanna in me that is colossally stupefied.
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I don’t get it either. Truth in advertising still has to matter when you’re talking food.
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I like knowing what’s in my food, my fare always simple and clean. I really should have known better but, his food sparkles in their white ceramic dishes like ladies of the night wooing from their windows. Well, if I was a fella that is. 🙂
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Me three. Well, the part about knowing what’s in my grub . . even when it’s nuts and literal bolts.
You’re speaking Frank’s language, him and his Painted Lady series . . .
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Frank doesn’t write to me anymore. He’s a… if you don’t read me, fuck you. Not my kinda guy. Humility is what attracts me.
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Oh snap! What?! I’m always so out of the loop.
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Doesn’t matter. I’d rather have one person who reads an essay because they simply like how I write. That’s how I am. If you never read me again, I’d still read Heroes. No guns to our heads Mr. Imma.
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I agree with that, totally.
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I’m glad since, it’s not always a well taken prospective.
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I believe in reading what I love to read. A good piece of writing settles me. Peace of mind, it equals everything.
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Like the phrase…settles me. sigh
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Peace of mind is the best investment. I’ve been humbled to the fact.
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You said it brother. AMEN!
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Using the word “limp” always gets me thrown out of places. I think you were right to call him on the salt. I’m not too fond of it when my body does the puffer belly after a sodium hit. Hell, I can get my holster belt into my comfortable notch when that happens.
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All we needed was ring and a referee since, that eggplant practically made me jump a dress size.
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Oh my goodness. Dueling pistols at the least. 😁
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12 paces.
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At dawn. 😊
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I hear Weehawken is a nice spot for this sort of thing.
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I would say so. Alex knew.
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He knew everything, and too much at that.
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Yes, indeed.
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It is unethical to answer a question with what you know to be a lie. Did he really kick you out of the place? Doesn’t sound like he knows much about good business.
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I’ve known him a long time so, it was his way of ending the argument. MEN!
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Thank you for going to bat for those who might get hurt by his food. Golly! What an attitude!
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It’s New York, to put it simply.
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I hate all advertising with a passion. Society seems to regard it as benign. I say it is EVIL! They undermine self-worth, deliberately mislead, sell unattainable life-styles, appeal to the very basest of instincts, spread discontent, and manipulate our fears and phobias; all apparently with impunity. Why do we allow it?
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Why do we allow anything. I’m just sayin’ Mick.
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Good question.
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With no definitive answer. sigh
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Are you kicked out for good or just for the day? I don’t think I’d be too quick to return. More surprising than his lie is his reaction when you called him on it. He didn’t seem to have a clue as to why you had a problem.
Visualize me sitting here shaking my head.
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I’ve known him a long time so he felt attacked by me, even though he knew I was right, and I guess perhaps I didn’t need to carry on so. I don’t have to eat his food and frankly, now I’m betting they all do that, all the specialty stores because, unless you’re like me who has trained herself to not like it, most people can’t eat nor enjoy saltless food, especially at Madison Avenue prices. Next time I’ll zip my lip and mind my own business which in this case would be…no more eggplant. 🙂
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Susannah, I don’t think you were out of line at all. Lied-about salt on your food WAS your business!
Pookie and I just finished hiding 40 plastic eggs filled with money, candy, and toys for two of our grandchildren aged almost 4 and almost 7. The youngest isn’t quite walking yet and will partake in the hunt next year. The oldest two are teenagers and are too cool for egg hunts. Maybe we’ll give them salty eggplant instead, ha ha!
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An Easter Egg Hunt. How wonderful is that, and that you and Pookie went to all that trouble. I am all in, as they say in AA. Eggplant is not on the menu I’m happy to say. Happy Hunting to all. 🙂
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Without coffee? What did you expect. He’s got a business to run… 🤣
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I do try to be understanding of the merchant, especially since they’re all, thanks to the Pandammit, hanging by a thread, but…when it comes to my jeans not buttoning, well…that’s when I get a little salty. 🙂
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The Pandammit. 🤣 Thank you. You made my day. Salty? Jeans not buttoning? Are those side effects? 😉
You do write well, my dear. Compliments. Did you get your shots yet? Or jabs? Depending on whether it is an English jab or an American shot?
Stay safe. 🙏🏻😷
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Yes, I am now bulletproof, and urge everyone to do the same. I feel much more confident than before mask in place, and so do others from what I can gather. I was nervous since, short of an aspirin, I never put anything medicinal in my body, but courage showed up like the cavalry seeing me through. As for salt…yes…it can expand your jeans like nobody’s business. Just ask any flounder when he comes out of the sea. They look as if they’ve all been working out…it’s the salt. 🙂
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🤣
Nothing medicinal? You must be quite strong. Compliments. Sadly, I do need take 4-5 pills a day for this or that. Stay safe Susannah. 🙏🏻😷🐰
(The bunny is a later reminder of Easter)
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You too. I try to keep things simple is all. When my cholesterol was high, rather than take statins, changed my diet. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. Sorry you have to take anything. I’m sure there’s a good reason.
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Not major ailments. Fortunately, so I can’t complain. But age doth take its toll. 🙏🏻
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This I know. It’s daunting and best not thought of. Katharine Hepburn once said…ignore what you can do nothing about. I try to remember that when anxiety comes a callin’.
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Miss Hepburn was a talented lady. And elegant to a fault. Good advice.
Anxiety now? Think of it the other way round, it may be a kick of adrenalin. As in stage fright for instance. Turn it around and use.
Or if all else fails, turn to the Litany of Fear of the Bene-Gesserit. 😉
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A kick of adrenaline, I like how you turned that around to make the glass half full. 🙂
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One of the best trainings I ever had was “how to speak in public” by a theatre director. He tore down all our “wrong” habits, and taught us how use voice, breathing, standing (on stage) to do a convincing presentation. And he taught us about the adrenalin, how it was normal and how to use breathing to turn it to our advantage. 👍🏻
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Sounds amazing.
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One of my best courses.
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Sounds it. 🙂
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Remember Alice’s bunny: “I’m late, I’m late…”
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I love Alice. 🙂
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Do too. Actually saw the Disney “movie” the other day. Dated but still charming. Take care.
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You too.
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PS. Happy Easter.
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And to you too kind sir. 🙂
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