athingirldotcom

I’m having a melancholy Friday, yearning for all things gone, like my old neighborhood for instance.

They’ve knocked down the block across from where I lived, leaving this vast emptiness, feeling as if 40 years of my life, went along with it.

But Bemelmans is still what it’s been for 71 years – restored, preserved, and left untouched.

I float through the revolving doors that, if they only talked,  could tell us a tale or two.

Tommy, the long time bartender, who died in 2012, I swear I still see, polishing glasses with a bar towel, giving me his best Irish wink.

Good to see ya Lassie, I hear him say.

Laurie, his successor, when my reverie clears, smiles as I perch myself on a stool.

“Well hello stranger, I mean it’s you isn’t it?” she says, smirking like a cat. “I’m pretty sure, cause you never, ever change.”

“That’s because, when you walk in here, time stands still Laurie. Don’t you know that?”

“Merlot?”

“I wish, but I’m still not drinking.”

“That’s the worst thing you can tell a barmaid.”

“How bout a Pimms cup, without the Pimms.”

“That’s the second worst, but I’ll make it anyway.”

Wasn’t sure how it was gonna taste, with just Ginger ale, lemon, mint and cucumbers, but I was about to find out.

Boy, being sober sucks in more ways than one when I take a swig and my cheeks pucker.

“Do I look like a Cabbage Patch Doll?” I ask Laurie.

“Yes, as a matter-of-fact. Just a very tall, thin one, which reminds me, you still eat chips, right?”

“You bet,” I say, “and now you’re talkin.”

It’s still early, but because it’s the start of a long weekend, the place is pretty filled. I listen to the two guys next to me who offer to buy me something, a little more substantial, is what the one nearest to me says.

Just my luck, but It reminds me of one of my favorite jokes.

A guy says,”Hey cupcake, can I buy ya a drink?” And she says,” No, but I’ll take the 3 bucks.”

Goes to show you how old it is. Now I’d have to change it to, no, but I’ll take the 20 bucks.

I start to giggle.

The other guy looks at me, his shaved head like a huge cue ball bouncing in the overhead light. “You’re not even drinking and you’re laughing,” he says, “that’s impressive. Maybe I should have what you’re having.”

This made me remember another one.

“Wanna hear a joke,” I ask them, sipping my Pimmless Pimms.

“Sure,” says Baldy, “why not.”

A man walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, “I wanna buy that douchebag over there a drink.” The bartender says, “That’s not very nice sir.”

But he says it again. “I want to buy that douchebag a drink!” The bartender finally goes over and says, “The guy at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink.”

“Great,” she says.”I’ll have a vinegar and water, straight up.”

They both look at me, then at each other before losing it, like I’m Joan Rivers back, for one night, from the ether.

Baldy then says, “You’re this funny, and you don’t even drink?”

This makes me smile.

Who said you need to be three sheets to the wind to be the life of the party?

“Laurie, I’ll have another Pimms without the Pimms…

easy on the lemon.”   

SB